When you become god, fear becomes faith
taken from ANARCHY OF SPIRIT: an epistle for ridiculous times, from early writings by Jack Haas: this is a rare, online book
I had taken good run at the great divide I had to cross and leapt with all my desperate might, but even then I was lucky for the unpredictable stepping stones along the way, and even with them I eventually had to swim in the river warmly meandering nowhere. Oh, let me say this, as the Mercies swelled to meet my sin and anguish, I fell short of the mark and yet was still gently lifted over the line. That alone is why I made it out to sea- not because I could leap well, but ...because I was willing to flounder.
I remain on this earth now, as myself, dodging life's false responsibilities, listening for the as yet unwritten Word, that I might write it, hovering weightlessly between the gravities of two opposing forces, and wondering if you have also come to your own true vision, and if you have the playful wherewithal to carry it through.
I continue to survive this hemorrhage of false meanings- a bloodletting of the knowable- forging on to diffidently blaze a precipitous trail through the hazy, hallowed regions, of revolutionary exasperation.
And if I appear brave upon the turbulent waters, it is because I found that I cannot drown; because I learned to breathe below the surface of life, to sink into the mud like a frog in winter, and inhale osmotically through the pores of my numinous membrane. I learned how to die and be to reborn every day, and so to remain strong in the battle. I learned how to retreat when I am out of bullets, and how to attack with a loaded gun, how to yield and hide, burst forth and conquer, how to flex when the force would break me, and to hold firm when a hill can be won. I learned how to stop caring when things became futile, and how to care when life was prepared to grow in the sun.
What happens in the re-ascent to our immortal selves is that fear becomes loneliness, loneliness becomes acceptance, and acceptance turns into faith. Confusion becomes revulsion, revulsion becomes indifference, and indifference turns into wonder. Reaction turns into action, action turns into inaction, and that ...that is when you become God.
Early writings by Jack Haas: a rare, online book.